~zdo

At certain moments in my term, spring forth sporadical thoughts of pure values. And as I take time to revel in such circumstandce, I find myself in a solemn reflection...

The embers of bitterness remain aglow deep in me as the cycle of fate continuously turns up and down. For whether we concede to it or not, we are but doomed for being the bungee jumpers of the highs and lows of this contstantly quirky life...

Yes, most of us choose to stay in dreariness, as it may seems primordial by nature. We reap the immense fruits of raging despair mainly because we believe they were the only ones we can sow. Now, the truth about being happy in our lives persists, although this maybe considered occasional. While in the rest of our lives, we unconsciously succumb to a more stabbing reality that in order to achieve happiness and to keep it flowing, are fraught with obscurity. As I proceed, I have come to a point or understanding that we undertake pains to aspire for relief, injustice to strive for fairness, boredom to appreciate fun, failure to run after victory, darkness to reach out for the light, hate to yearn for love...

Life therefore is an outright lunacy, wherein everything entails both opportunity and contraints, where one principle contradicts the other, where every laughter follows a tear; thus, the cycle claims its diadem among us...

These thoughts percolate all over me now when I have come to convinced myself that at this point of my existence I am elated. The unexpected but rigorous passion I feel inundates throughout my being...

But then again, I am being snatched backed and locked away in a dungeon with the four horrible walls of remorse, fear, doubts and defiance. They smother me with their thick and sturdy bricks growing bigger as they confront me about the truth...

Is this faith that I have accepted worth all the risks?

Is this parasol of hope strong enough to shade me from the scorching heat of madness in this world?

Is great love that has beset actually exists?


Pursuing happiness and keeping it alive inside are two different things especially when we realize the blocks that abstain us from achieving its glory. We are susceptible to such an ungrateful disposition each time fate strikes a hot rod upon us. And before we know it, we already have barred ourselves from reaching out for hope. Then eventually we sink into our pool of piercing resentfulness, drowning us in pain until we become numb and empty...

But just like this unpredictable swirve of grace, I have surprised myself by coming out into the surface grasping for the precious vital air. I have been down there for innumerable times that I am used of getting drenched, there where its filthy abomination stained my soul. The impending darkness still lurks somewhere with in.

However this pang of indescribable joy throbs in my chest now....
And from there it sleeks its way through every vein I possess....

Initially, I struggled to cease the spread of this hysteria inside me. I thought about the cycle as it turns now on my favorable side. I was reminded that this could simply be episodic--such a false hope!...

Yes, I still felt myself sore but this powerful anodyne came with its hasty cure. And as this joy eventually vanquished me, I found myself resting on the bossom of sweet tranquility. Then I noticed, the dungeon shook and one by one the impending walls gave away. They were marvelously altered: guilt into innocence and pureness of my intentions, fear into such valiance of my heart, doubts into this trust in my humble perceptions and defiance into the submission of my soul to this upwelling goodness...

I can hardly believe how this sudden transition have taken me to an ethereal place of boundless faith not only in others but most especially in my very self. I can't agree more to the reasoning of being worthy of all the love and grace that have touched me. And as I keep a keen eye on this life that has unfolded before me which is not that impeccable ofcourse, but with the favor it has shown me amidst my ghastly past, I can only surrender to all its reverence...

I know for sure that things don't and won't end up like this for I am completely aware of the inevitable threat of that cycle i know. Therefore anytime from now, the complexities of this imperfect world would exhume its plagues once again. By that time I would be thrown back to that old prison where I would suffer in the decandence of a life which have given me no absolute control.

But hold it! I know I would still thrive just like what I did in the past, those times when I was alive but was not living...

No! I don't want any of what I had in my past.
I no longer want to wake up each day with loathing as I gawked upon that life I didn't desire to live in.
I refuse to shut myself out from this light that blinds me.
I decline from these pessimistic possiblities simply because they have always been there.
And since this reverie-like blessing demands more perseverance and faith to sustain it, the struggles in pursuing such grace makes this attained bliss all so rewarding...

So I stay put outside the fortress of my own prison, solid with content...

I yield to this seemingly torrential benevolence, for it's the only thing that makes me feel truly alive...

I offer my intentions to the humblest of endeavours of the hopeful ones like me, which is to love and to be loved...

I stretch out my arms to get soaked in the abundance of its sacredness...

As I claim to dwell and cling to this sempiternal bliss....